It Goes Really Bad
by itgoesreallybad
Summary: An accomplished creator attempts to kill a popular TV character and she fights back. A trio composed of an alien, a sea monster and a wizard/vampire may however be facing something far more sinister…
1. A Quest Against Moss Hedon

**Chapter 1: Teyla, Davy Jones and Edward Cullen on a quest against Moss Hedon**

It was a stormy night and Teyla Emmagan, Davy Jones and Cedric Diggory were sitting in a pub. And Moss Hedon was passing by just then. With an evil flash in his eye he threw himself on Teyla, yelling: "You are a completely useless character!" and he tried to stab her in her perfectly shaped abs. Edward leapt up swiftly thanks to his vampire instincts and knocked the knife from Moss' hand. When Moss realized Edward was a vampire and he didn't stand a chance against him, he bounced and ran away.

Davy Jones started after him screaming: "Do you fear death?"

Moss replied: "Have you ever seen one of my shows? Me and Death, we're like best pals. Mwa ha ha ha ha." And he ran off into the darkness.

Davy Jones pursued. He was joined by Teyla and Cedric followed by the innkeeper shouting: "And who's gonna pay for all this, you..." But they couldn't hear the rest.

Out of breath, Teyla said: "Moss must die. We need a plan."

Davy Jones nodded with his tentacles and added: "I'll show him, not fearing death."

Due to his sudden transformation Edward had lost the superhuman speed ability so he was running alongside the group.

The group soon found out they didn't know which way to run because Moss ran off into the darkness. Edward said: "I know a guy who might be able to help us."

He explained his idea to them and a few hours later they were at Jacob Black the werewolf's house.

* * *

Jake was just having a tea party with his best friend Bruce Wayne.

"So you are the famous Jacob about whom we have heard so much from our friend Cedric?" asked Teyla.

Jacob responded: "Yes. What would you need from me?"

"Moss Hedon. Must die. We heard that you have certain contacts that might help us."

Jacob smiled cunningly and pulled out his ultramodern Nokia 3310 phone.

Then Bruce Wayne interjected and he said he knew the right person to help them exactly with this problem just by the way.

"Hey, I'm talking. Shut up. We'll get back to you in a minute," said Jacob. Then he lowered his voice so that he wouldn't be overheard while speaking on the phone.

Davy, Edward and Teyla glanced at each other in confusion, while Jacob was laughing on the phone evilly. Meanwhile, Bruce got up angrily, kicked the door open, jumped into his Batmobile and rode off, tires squeaking.

"Thank you. Tomorrow at 3 will be good," Jacob finished his call. With a grave face he finished his call and looked at the trio over the tips of his fingers. "So. Here's the plan."

* * *

After another three hours of Jacob's monologue when everyone had totally fallen asleep, Batman came back. "Harvey Dent. Get into the Batmobile. We're going to the Oscars." Everyone said goodbye to Jacob and Davy Jones erased his black spot.

"The Oscars?" said Teyla once they had settled inside the vehicle. "We will have to make a stop in a shop. I do not have anything to wear."

"I happen to know a shop nearby," said Bruce. "It's called Hot Topic or something like that."

Davy Jones interrupted that. "We need no dress. We're late as it is," gurgled Davy Jones. "Could somebody go over the plan again? Where do we get our tickets?"

* * *

The hall where the Oscars were being given out that year was swarming with lots of photographers, celebrities and fans hoping to seize an autograph.

"Moss is hiding here somewhere. We have half an hour to find him before he disappears," said Cedric.

"But he's over there in a box talking to Stair MacReally," pointed Davy Jones.

"Oh no. The plan is ruined," Teyla noted angrily. Everybody ignored her.

It had all looked quite simple. Come in, grab Moss, then take him out. But Morpheus appeared at the scene.

"Okay, what are we waiting for then?" Cedric took out his wand and pointed it at Moss.

Teyla grabbed his hand and lowered his wand. "Are you insane? Does the International Wizard Secrecy Contract from 1782 mean anything to you? We cannot do it this way. Besides, Morpheus is so awesome he would block it." She shook her head. "We need to respond in kind. Davy?"

"This is an unexpected complication. We need to get to a safe distance from Morpheus."

"There is no such thing as safe distance from Morpheus!" cried Teyla. "It has to be now or never."

Suddenly Stair MacReally spoke as he rose in the box next to Moss and exclaimed to the whole hall full of Hollywood big names: "I have an important announcement." That got everyone's attention.

"This is our last chance to get Moss," Teyla gritted through her teeth.

"Me and Moss have agreed that from now on, I am going to make movies and he will compose the soundtracks." Panic erupted and Teyla and her group knew they had to move fast to save the innocent Stair MacReally from the fans. Moss was doomed.

Suddenly somebody said: "Where's Bruce?"

And at that moment Batman descended into the box. He was trying to grab Stair and pull him from the claws of the furious crowd. He failed, because his rope snapped. Batman's last thought was that he was approaching the ground.

Then darkness enveloped everything.


	2. A Storm at the Academy

**Chapter 2: A Storm at the Academy**

Chaos ruled everywhere she looked. Teyla soon discovered she was missing her companions who had up till then been by her right side. _How could everything have gotten so wrong?_ Until now her mission had been clear; to take her revenge on the guy with a beard who tried to kill her in the inn. But at the moment when the crowd of raging fans turned on the... second guy with a beard, but with long hair too, she felt something else. _I do not usually kill unless it is completely necessary, that is Ronon's style -_

Her thoughts about how all this didn't really fit were interrupted by a particularly furious fanboy with an orange knitted had, who was swinging his arms all around him. Teyla reacted instinctively, she threw the man off his balance with a well-aimed kick and then threw him again over her back on the ground. As a bonus she stuck a pose on the stunned man's body. This position presented her with a good view of the box where she last saw her future victim. _The innocent man._

The box was empty. No director, no composer and no man in a black cloak on a ridiculously weak rope. _But the only one I care about is the second one._ Teyla supposed that unless somebody had dragged the composer away - in which case she wouldn't be of any help to him anyway - he is likely lying unconscious on the box floor. She glanced over the airy red drapes which she could with a dose of luck climb and get up to the box and her sight stopped on the door to the entrance hall, considering it the better option.

She ran. She push herself off of a massive man painted green and zigzagged her way through a number of almost identical blondes in red dresses. She was halfway to the door, when she nearly stumbled over a body.

"There is no time for this now!" she chided Edward Cullen, whose snack on a particularly attractive teenager dressed as a firefly she interrupted.

"But that's ok, if it 's an animaaal," he tried to resist, but she was already pulling him by the leg towards the door.

Cedric managed to point his wand at her. "One word will be enough-!"

Teyla rolled her eyes.

"Have it your way." And she let him go.

Edward crawled super-quickly to his victim and resumed his feast. In front of the door, Teyla scanned for the captain of The Flying Dutchman one last time, but he was nowhere to be found. _No losing time. He could not have gotten far with those buckets of his._

She ran up the stairs and guessed the location of There's box. Then she had an idea and retraced her few last steps. With freshly snapped pieces of handrail, on which she was planning to rely as _banto_ sticks, she felt a bit safer.

At the entrance to the box she looked back. A greater noise than before was coming from downstairs and Teyla assumed that the fragile defenses of the theatre had been breached and the violent crowd was joined by the fans who had been waiting in the street before. She needed to hurry.

The first boxes she checked were empty but in the fourth one she discovered the man with a beard. He was lying on the floor.

She bent down and checked his pulse. He wasn't dead. She was about to pull him out when he shuddered and opened his eyes.

"What... who..." Stair managed.

"Do not waste your energy, a riot has broken out in the theatre. We will try to get you out safely."

"Was that... Batman?"

"I have no idea who you are talking about," Teyla snapped impatiently, yet courtly. "There is no time. Will you be able to stand up?"

He grabbed the offered arm with some effort, which he tried not to show.

"Through here," Teyla ran ahead out of the door -

- and barely managed to avoid a thrown hammer. The crowd has reached the hallway. The noise got up another level of intensity.

"Well, not through there." She held the doors with her back. "I cannot hold them for too long."  
"Who are you?"

Her eyes found the drapes once again. "That is not important. I think we have only one option now."

"Oh."

"You are going to have to hold the door, I am going to climb first."

"Climb... how?" The composer apparently hadn't done anything similiar in his life.

"Hold on tight - and watch me!" with the last word she had already kicked off and started to drop down.

Six fluid motions were enough for her to touch the ground. There was a deafening crush. For a fleeting second she thought she was responsible. Then the roof collapsed around her.

Instinctively she cowered on the ground towards the box. The lights went out. In the noise next to her she heard the sound of a tearing drapery. She could sense more than see that the composer landed next to her. Not too hard, she hoped.

Suddenly smoke was everywhere and there were sounds of clicking metal. From the air above black silhouettes were descending and taking positions in the center of the hall. There was a calm voice full of authority. "Secure the area. Weapons allowed only in a extreme case." A pause. "Leave the suspect to me."

The answer was the stomping of feet and the first screams of fans caught by surprise.

_They know I am here._ She groped for her sticks by her side. _They will not get me without a fight._

She began to stand up.

"In here!" a hand grabbed her from behind. Stair steered her back and covered them into the torn drapery, both still crouching.

"Is it possible you are the suspect?"

"I do not know any more than you do," Teyla paused. "But it is highly likely."

"That sounds like government agents." Stair was looking at her intently. "You wouldn't stand a chance against them."

Teyla raised her eyebrows sceptically.

"All right, I don't know how good you are exactly, but I am not. Definitely not."

Teyla had to agree he had a point. She nodded and indicated the entrance.

The composer understood and both of them set out on all fours, still covered by the drapes and the ever-present noise.

"Gods, this is actually going to work!" whispered Stair.

"Shh!"

"You!" said a voice close to them. "You under that rag, stop and get out -"

Teyla hissed: "Stay here at all costs!" _I do not have another option._

"- or I have permission to use a gun!"

"What are you going to -" Stair began, but Teyla didn't listen.

"That will not be necessary," she threw the drapes off her while taking care not to expose Stair. For the first time she had the opportunity to evaluate the situation. There were around thirty agents moving swiftly and efficiently across the hall, silencing and neutralizing without hesitation the fans not knocked out by the wreckage of the roof. The quiet had spread so much that her next sentence resounded throughout the theatre quite audibly.

"I am the one you are looking for," she spoke dignifiedly, ignoring the visibly surprised agent in front of her, "which one of you wishes to speak to me?"

"That would be me," said someone and she was approached by a well-built man with a trace of a arrogant grin, "Daniel Shaw, special agent. And you are... no, don't introduce yourself," he said when she made a step forward, "all i need is for you to show yourself better."

The agent motioned to one of his underlings abd she was illuminated by a flashlight.

Then, Daniel Shaw's face did something strange, for a moment his eyelids twitched and he seemed blank.

_A potential advantage. Now if he just -_

"Ah," Shaw said suddenly. "Teyla Emmagan, originally from the Pegasus galaxy, a member of the Atlantis expedition for the last... ah, nine years," he said, almost disappointedly and started to walk towards her.

_A few more steps._

"You're not the one we're looking for. Unfortunate. Rather, we're not here for you today."

Teyla could only raise her eyebrows quizzically, when -

"CALYPSO!" thundered a voice above. "NOW BE A TIME FOR THAT FAVOR!"

Teyla and Shaw both spent a second looking for the source. Dave Jones, in some way Teyla didn't even want to think about, was standing with one hand outstretched in one of his buckets full of water in the middle box.

Five seconds had passed. Nothing happened.

Shaw's trace of an arrogant smile wasn't just a trace anymore and his eyes started to flicker again immediately. Teyla didn't hesitate.

The basic _banto_ stick attack was natural for her and Shaw had made one step more than he should have. She couldn't miss. First strike from the side to the body, follow up with a parry, recoil, strike to head with the second stick, cower -

Neither the first nor the second strike hit.

Teyla lost her balance. She glimpsed only a bloodthirsty grin and then a violent impact which threw her backwards.

Her opponent gave her the time to pull herself together. She didn't have any idea why, maybe he just savored it. She saw the other agents surrounding Davy Jones, who was still shaking his claw, and she saw her own position being surrounded. _Hopefully Stair will take advantage of his opportunity. We do not have any._

Shaw rubbed his left fist. "You're not important. Not for me. We can leave you here," Shaw looked her in the eyes, "unless you want a rematch."

With a bitter resolve she tightly gripped the remaining stick in her right hand.

At that moment a flash of lightning split the sky above and less than a second later thunder rumbled right over them.

Shaw looked up, puzzled, and the first drop of water fell into his face.

"HA HA!" cried Davy from above.

The rest of the rainstorm followed promptly. It was as if somebody had spilled an ocean on Los Angeles. Teyla was drenched through and through instantly and the water throroughly impaired visibility. Waterfalls were forming on the edges of the roof.

_This is no ordinary rain,_ Teyla thought when she realized the floor was begining to flood. Then she understood.

"LET NO MAN LOOK UP AT THE SKY WITH HOPE!" Furiously, Davy Jones kicked the bucket in which he was standing at the agent who had gotten closest to him. Not waiting for his reaction, he in one motion drew his sword and leapt from the box on the flooded floor downstairs.

Teyla stopped watching him. Hoping against all odds that the dense sheets of water would be enough to slow down Shaw's reflexes and reactions, she attacked.

And she was mistaken. This time, Shaw grabbed her remaining stick during her first charge. No sound could be heard over the falling water, when he snapped it. Then he lowered his right hand to his waist and took his gun.

Everything slowed down. Teyla watched Davy Jones fighting off two agents at the same time and running towards Shaw with his sword ready -

- and Shaw, in one elegant move, turned around and shot straight at Davy. One bullet was enough, Shaw hit him right into the middle of his chest.

_NO!_ Teyla lost control. She forgot the risk, she didn't care that Shaw had a gun in his hand and she ignored the fact she didn't stand a chance. She lunged at Shaw, put everything into one blow and the agent deflected her, almost lazily, with his elbow while turning back.

The fall to the ground took her breath away. She didn't rise right away. The water slowly rising around her was pleasant._ Do I even have to get up? Recently I tried to rashly kill too many people..._

A hand appeared in her field of sight. Tentacles instead of fingers.

"This ain't no time for rest, girl!"


	3. Batman's Got a Problem

**Chapter 3: Batman's got a problem**

In a white room which looked like a giant freezer because it was quite cold in there, Bruce Wayne had just woken up completely confused as to where he was. The last thing he remembered was never to skimp on equipment again.

He tried to get up from his bed, but he discovered somebody had tied him up. There was an evil laugh behind his head.

_I know that voice,_ Batman thought and tried to turn in that direction.

"Don't try to disentangle, it's futile anyway," with these words Moss approached closer to batman.

"Why am I here?" Bruce asked.

"If you didn't try to save somebody all the time, we wouldn't have to be here at all, but you just can't help yourself, can you?"

With those words Moss pulled from his golden pipe inlaid with jewels and puffed a giant circle with a big 'A' in the middle out at Batman. There was a knock on the door.

"Don't go anywhere," Moss remarked to Batman with a manic laughter in his face and left the room.

Gas started to flow into the room from the air-vents and Bruce fell asleep again...

* * *

When Batman woke up now, he was sitting restrained in a chair in Moss' lab.

"you've woken up finally" evil Moss smiled at him.

"How did I get here?" Bruce asked confusedly.

"If you had bought a higher-quality rope, you wouldn't have to sit here now," Moss broke out laughing. "After you unsuccessfully attempted to save that so-called artist, you fell on me by mistake, while I was just teleporting here. So don't think you are special in some way. You're here by mistake, actually."

"What do you..." Batman, who was angry now, started to shout, but was interrupted by an unexpected collapse of the ceiling.

"Ah, Superman" Moss jumped surprisedly from his chair and set out to the nearest exit.

Superman activated his laser sight against him, which was however warded off by force-field of Morpheus', who entered the room at that moment and rushed towards Moss. Morpheus then picked up a phone and with the wodrs "Matrix is everywhere" uploaded into the phone along with Moss.

Superman as a slight self-satisfaction destroyed the phone with his burning glare and flew away.

Superman's violent incursion into the building had also caused Batman's bonds to loosen and he didn't wait for anything and set out to search for an exit through a corridor. On the way he encountered guards, but that was no problem for him, he was fighting his way out smoothly.

After a lengthy wandering in the hallways he stumbled onto a prison, where somebody was sitting in a dark corner of a cell and whose face wasn't visible.

"Who's there?" Batman asked.

The figure stepped out of the shadow and it was none other than Dumbledore.

"Dumbledore, you are alive." Bruce blurted out.

"Yes, Moss has imprisoned me here, because he thought I was a totally useless character."

"You are a wizard, aren't you, what are you still doing here?" Batman wondered.

"Moss hid my wand in a vault in his office." Dumbledore described the way to Bruce and he set out to find Dumbledore's wand and his own equipment.

* * *

There was no one in the office, it looked as if someone had been looking for something, the table flipped over, drawers scattered around and an open safe in the wall, but everything remaining inside. Batman found a wand and his toys there, on the way he noticed the computer on the ground was still working, he couldn't resist to look and see if he couldn't find anything useful. Except for Hedon's disgusting collection there wasn't that much to see, although he discovered one thing, that he was in a subterranean moon base on the dark side of the moon. And he also found certain files, which he downloaded to be safe.

After releasing Albus, Bruce said something was going to happen here on the moon, at three o'clock Earth time, but before he managed to say anything else, Dumbledore turned on the spot and disappeared.

Disgusted Bruce continued to try to find a way out, with the building's blueprint, which he had found in the office, he thought, it should be a tiny piece of cake, he was however pretty wrong, Batman spent the following hours wandering around the base and he was starting to lose his mind.

At the end of one corridor he discovered a room which looked like a giant server room, but in fact there were a lot of telephones and phone cables. It was a kind of a gigantic retro warehouse in today's wireless times.

At the end of the warehouse was another door, the only one locked, but that's no problem for Batman, with his gadgets he was trying to unlock the door, but in the end he just kicked them open. What he found behind them was however very unsettling, it was a giant telephone switchroom, in which thousands of lines were led. According to a layout on the wall it was a giant phone network leading throughout the whole of the moon.

"What's this supposed to mean?" Bruce was talking to himself.

On the wall there were a lot of sheets with layouts and labels and the farther Batman got, the more he began to be unsettled.

He was distracted from his study of the plans by a voice echoing through all rooms announcing the level of breathable atmosphere has reached its minimum and all that's left is the last minute.

"Great, that's all I needed"

Batman tried to quickly figure out a way from this precarious situation, when he remember what Morpheus had done before. He picked up the nearest telephone and screamed "Matrix is everywhere!" into it

Nothing happened. Bruce kept a level head and tried to dial a random number. Just in time, a man's voice on the broadcast was just announcing the last five second until oxygen depletion.


	4. Compass-less

**Compass-less**

They were sitting in an antiquated limousine, driven by Edward Cullen.

("Aye, the lad came back right after tha' rat shot me.")

When Davy Jones helped her up back in the theatre, as if he hadn't... died, she didn't understand anything.

("Did you forget, I am a heartless wretch? He he hee!")

The agents were long gone by then -

("I'd like to see them stick around, the lad here starting to shoot them with those curses of his, and when they saw me rise, that was the last straw," Davy Jones joyfully puffed his pipe. "And clever they were; I was about to let them taste my fury!")

- and the rain was already stopping.

("Aye, tha's Calypso for ye, me beauty. I wasn't really sure whether-" "Could you stop interrupting me?" "All right, all right.")

"Ok, people, where are we going, anyway?" Cedric said from the driver's seat. They had just passed the "You are leaving L. A." sign.

"Getting some distance between us and the agents is of the utmost importance now," Teyla replied.

"Yes, but I could still use a general direction."

"'T may be time for the saved soul here to repay part of his debt," Davy Jones' beard tentacle pointed at Stair MacReally, whom they had taken with for insurance, "and start singin'!"

"Debt?" Teyla and Stair asked in unison.

"Aye, a hundred years aboard the Dutchman in exchange for his life," Jones leaned close to Stair's face. "I heard you can play the piano - I have a magnificent piece belowdecks -"

"I do not believe your regular recruiment process can be applied to the given situation..." Teyla began.

"Details aside, girl, if he's not inclined to go, he can just get a hundred others to take his place." Davy Jones turned at Stair. "Now speak, slave, where're we sailin' to?"

"Sailing? But I..." Stair frowned, "wait, what do you actually want to do?"

"We need to find Moss Hedon," Teyla said. "He tried to kill me."

"And you want to kill Moss?"

"Aye!" Davy Jones nodded.

"No!"

Davy and Edward from the front looked at her surprisedly.

"The whole affair is too unclear at this moment," said Teyla, "we require answers."

"Aye, and then he can join me crew!"

The composer was thinking. "I don't know Moss very well outside of work - I don't think anyone does. And if he doesn't want to be found, you won't find him."

"Do you have any idea, where he might be now?"

"No, as I said..." Bear stopped, and then waved his hands in a gesture of sudden realization. "There is one thing that slipped out..."

"Yes?"

"Moss has a base on the Moon."

Teyla and Davy glanced at each other and -

"Is that a JOKE?" Cedric braked abruptly, to following drivers' displeasure. "People cannot get to the Moon."

"He's a wizard," Teyla explained to puzzled Stair.

"Ah. The one thing you have to know about Moss, young man," Stair said seriously, "he never ever jokes. He saves it all for his shows. If he said he had a moonbase, he has one."

"Arr, everything is wrecked then. And it's all your fault!" Davy furiously clasp the terrified composer's neck with his claw. "SUMMON THE KRAKEN!"

"Jones! Stop it, right know!" Teyla yelled. The captain reluctantly loosened his grip.

"We don't need this dog no more. Not even that cursed Jack Sparrow would have sailed to the Moon!"

"You are wrong about that," said Teyla. More surprised looks. "Edward, start up, please. Mr MacReally, would you like us to drop you off along the way to Colorado?"

"What is in a damned piece of dirt like Colorado? We need to get out to the sea, me ship's anchored there. We'll hoist sails and try to -"

Teyla's meaningful look silenced him. She hoped he understood. _We do not need for a friend of Moss Hedon to know where we are going, whatever he may claim about himself._

"Actually, yes," Stair replied. "There is one person who could explain all this to me. And it's not even such a detour."

* * *

It was daybreak in Santa Fe, New Mexico. First rays of sunshine fell into the windows of a gigantic hacienda and Grudge R. R. Marvin had just typed in the last couple of words of his manuscript. With a satisfied smile he leaned back in his chair. _They won't see this coming. None of them will._

For years, the whole world has been waiting for the conclusion of his saga. _Well, they are going to have to wait some more._ The truth was, he loved killing off characters. His last inspiration had led him to today. _No one will see this coming. They might have expected it for each one separately, but not all at once. And to have her do it!_ Yes, what he'd just written and what he considered his best creative decision to date, would probably result in another book, two tops, but right now, at six o'clock in the morning, only one thing was important: _There is no chance they will see this coming. And there is much and more..._

The doorbell rang.

On one hand, Grudge was extremely tired, but on the other he was in his best mood in years. _I can at least take a look who it is._

Open door revealed composer Stair MacReally. He was looking extremely urgent.

"We have a problem."


End file.
